Snowheart's application

[hanikasnow]

Alt Name: Trish_01

Desired IC prefix: Snow

Gender: She-cat

Mate: None, she hasn't been looking

Desired Rank: Warriors

Desired Clan: Snowclan, duh.

Description of Character (Physical features and Personality):
Snowheart is a kind gentle she-cat with snow fur and silver stripes, she has icy blue eyes that can be cold or welcoming to whomever she wishes. She is a lean she-cat that is slightly smaller then she should be with soft white paws to match, she often felt like a kittypet but she never was. She just was a bit of a misfit. (Personality): She is kind, not all that wise, and can be hyperactive. She isn't all that fierce but she will fight if she has to.

Experience in Warriors/Feral rp:
I have been in Arrows dream, which Gaybies was in, as a warrior for Mudclan, then for Vineclan...Or one of those two clans, and a leader in Whitepelt's wolf warriors dream for Moorclan, and owns a cat clans dream.

Sample Post (Can be reposted from logs):
Laid back: Snowheart rested, her paws under her belly and her pools closed, she wasn't resting, just trying to get the motions of the wind. She sighed as a snowflake fell onto her nose, she didn't mind it at all, she loved it. She went through her past trying to make everything fit into place, then opened her pools to see kits around; it must be playtime for them. She smiled then went to the den, there wasn't much to do this day.
Fighting: Snowheart had her claws unsheathed, she was ready to fight the intruder. She had the attack all planned out, she could do a front paw strike then jump back waiting for the next attack from her opponent.



Extra from the post (read if you think you can make sence out of it like I could:) then if it found out what she would do and went back, she would jump back and run around, or jump. She would let the opponent this that it could easily attack her then try again, if it got her pinned she'd rake their belly. She couldn't think to kill the intruder, nor could she think of any other moves to do.

[Clear]

"Desired IC Prefix" would be the first part of your name, not whole name. But 'tis fine.

The first of your Sample Post was fine, but the Fighting one? Not much sense. Try editting it. It'd be a good idea to keep to only one action, not the entire battle in one post..

[hanikasnow]

Okay, it was just her planning - I repeat planning what she would want to do. Not the WHOLE battle. Dude, that would mean I would have to moderate the other cat, which wouldn't be cool. So I'll delete all the "But if the cat did..." stuff afterwards, made scene to a lot of other people. Especially my best friend, whom I might add, I haven't seen because she's on a supposive vacation. -.-

[Evening]

If you're rping with yourself, and you're fighting, you have to mod a bit. Don't worry about it; we'll worry if it happens after you're accepted.

However, there are a few things I want to point out:

1. "She sighed as a snowflake fell onto her nose, she didn't mind it at all, she loved it."
I've seen a few sentences like this. Commas aren't always going to make your post make sense. You need to use semi-colons and periods to separate your thoughts. Such as:

She sighed as a snowflake fell onto her nose; not like she minded. In fact, she loved the snow.

2. "then if it found out what she would do and went back, she would jump back and run around, or jump. She would let the opponent this that it could easily attack her then try again, if it got her pinned she'd rake their belly."

This was extremely awkward and hard to understand. My only suggestion is to reword it.

Even with these things corrected, I'd be happier if you started out as a apprentice, rather than a warrior.

...I feel harsh. :<

[hanikasnow]

You're not harsh at all, I had to start as a kit in Arrow's dream. Of course, that was my 2nd role playing place, so I wasn't all that experienced on the computer role playing. I'm better in real life, trust me...I role play with my best friend Valentina, she's good.

[Evening]

Nice, I don't have any irl friends that rp :c

[Clear]

d**nit, Orville, this ain't no Grammar class. D:

Gawd, so mean.

[whiteleaf]

orville redinbocker

[Clear]

Exactly.

[sammirureka]

the end made no sense..to me